well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
