drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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