I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
