i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it's like heaven, but drunker
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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