it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
