I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
