Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
