I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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