fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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