grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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