apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
