the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
