Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
