last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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