Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
