he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
