apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
