Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
