but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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