Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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