I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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