I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
