I'm gonna have a badass scar
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
