if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
