alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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