three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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