brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
