please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
