dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
