you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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