One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
