Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just found a bag of teeth...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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