he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
