You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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