my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's always time for handjobs
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
