Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You were trust falling into bushes
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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