no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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