dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
