we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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