I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have fence marks all over my body
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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