Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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