Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
