You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
