Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
