Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
