suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I currently don't understand fingers.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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