i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
