Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
