They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
