How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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