This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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