i would punch a child for taco bell
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I FOUND THE LEGS
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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