im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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