i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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