Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
