ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
